Entry #118

I got some really bad news last week..

2016-07-24 22:43:25 by Viper

Well...long story short, my mom died Wednesday night.

Not much I'm willing to divulge detail wise but I'll just say it wasn't "natural causes".
(If anyone seriously wants to know feel free to PM me, I don't want to say what happened on here)

I may not have liked her that much. In fact I can't say I was super fond of her after the shit she pulled that ended up causing her and my dad to get divorced. But she was still my mom. I mean anything in the world could happen but that'd still be pretty true. I mean I literally wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her (haha).

It was about a decade when her and my dad got divorced and I hadn't seen her since. I talked to her on random occassions on the phone but that was it.

Now at some point later (since she was living in Kentucky at the time) the next time I'm going to be anywhere near her again is when we have a memorial service for her. She is going to be cremated and her urn is going to be buried.

And I'm not sure how to handle all of this. Even though I didn't see eye to eye with her I still lost a pretty important member of my family which you really can't replace. I haven't been able to really let it sink in that shes really gone. I keep expecting her to randomly call my sister or see her pop up on Facebook chatting with her and really wanting to see a car my sister is in the process of working on get finished. It's a Rocky Horror Picture Show themed "rat rod". My sister and I both love that movie because she turned us onto it and we've watched it an ungodly amount of times ever since we were kids. In light of these events, my sister lost all drive to finish it. Now she wants to finish it as a bit of a tribute to her so she can say she has it done because of how badly my mom wanted to see it get done.

As for me, she wanted me to add her on Facebook and talk to me so much. And I kept blowing her off because I was still mad at her. And now I'm never going to get the opportunity to tell her I was sorry for that. And that I still loved her. I can still hear her voice from when I got to talk to her on the phone. Calling me "Mikey" (because my middle name is Michael) and her telling me that she loved me. And part of me doesn't want to accept that she's really gone. But I know eventually it's going to hit me a lot harder than it has been all week and I don't know what I'm going to do. Everyone has been going out of their way to contact my dad and sister and comfort them but no one has even tried coming to me to see how I'm doing. I mean I'm honestly doing my best to not full on start crying sometimes. I did right before typing all of this. My half-brother made a video collage of pics of her to a song she really liked and about halfway into it I needed to put my phone down because I felt like I was about to start crying, then after I felt a bit better I started it up again and I just started crying my eyes out.


I'm still going to be on here.
I'm still going to be carrying on as I have before and always will. And have been trying to since then
And I know eventually I'm going to be "fine" I guess.
But I'm just dealing with a lot of stuff at the moment and this was all shit that's been on my mind for almost a week now. I called off work the day after I found out because I really didn't want all this to hit me as hard as it did while driving to or from work and I just all around wasn't really feeling like I'd be able to handle going in in light of what happened.


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2016-07-25 11:31:00

you can pm me

Viper responds:

I can't tell if you're serious or if you're fucking with me.
This is a serious matter.


2016-07-25 21:08:30

If you ever need to talk about it I'm here for you,

I lost my mom when I was eight, so I know what it's like to lose a parent.

Viper responds:

Well over the past year now, 4 people I've known (be it from being related or otherwise) have died.
My aunt from cancer, my mom from being murdered, and both my sister's boyfriend's grandpa and an old classmate who I graduated with from suicide. One of my other aunt's dog died the day before Halloween and just this morning I prevented an electrical fire when I was the only person in my house who was awake. So yeah. Pretty crazy year for me...


2016-07-26 04:17:36

im serious

Viper responds:

Okay fine if you really wanna know.


2016-07-26 04:24:37

Sending you a PM.

Viper responds:

Sending YOU a PM.


2016-10-26 08:07:21

I'm sorry to hear this man, sorry for your loss, and that I'm so late reading about it! Can't really imagine what it's like to lose someone that close, though eventually we'll all have to wear those shoes I guess. Closest I've lost was my grandma, but that still feels surreal, even though it was a couple of years ago. I have more memories of times when she was alive than I have of times when she's gone, so it's like the former still outweighs the other, and it's strange being in familiar places when she's not there.

Hope you're doing better now anyway. Though I'm not religious I like the notion that there's a link between this world and whatever's after, so we can still think of those that leave us and hold them close; so it's never too late to say the words you never said...

Yeah, life must go on, no matter what.

Viper responds:

Yeah I know but it's fine. For the being late reading about this. But yeah. I mean we weren't super close for the past few years but I kinda wouldn't exist if it wasn't for her so....yeah... I've only ever had one grandparent die. And that was before I was born. All of my other grandparents are in their 80s at the moment. Anyways. Sorry to hear about YOUR loss for that. It's been a weird year for me. I replied to DefonesFan665 about all the shit I've been through lately.

Also sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I was planning to but I've been busy the past few weeks with only a bit of time to do anything other than work or other stuff around the house and whatnot.


2016-11-08 13:17:53

Yeah, for sure, even if you were distant those are bonds you can't really break, by intent or no. Hope your grandparents live a long time at least (and others you hold close) ! My grandma made it till 93, and it was somewhat expected that she wouldn't last much longer, so no worries. Much worse when it's unexpected... or when age isn't the culprit. My grandpa on my mother's side died when I was tiny btw, and I never knew my dads parents.

But anyway, that is one crazy year you've been living. Hope you pull through stronger, and remember the good memories over the bad ones.


2016-12-29 04:05:19

Rather heart broken myself lately (and yeah, the same story as 4 years ago, only.. it feels more legit this time) http://vicariouse.newgrounds.com/news/post/976592

Hope you've at least gotten partial control of your PS4, your bro can't assume it's his to pick up or put down at will (re: last PM). Sure hope your Christmas was better than mine, my sis didn't even call me, like she said she would... and in the past day she's been having rolling earthquakes, nothing severe though


2017-03-17 04:46:33

Happy birthday.....

Viper responds:



2017-03-17 04:48:27

Happy birthday! How's it hangin

Viper responds:

Thanks. And good I guess? Honest to god not much has been going on on my end since this post.


2017-03-18 16:12:03

Thanks for randomly remembering me, hope all is well.